You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
