we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
