If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
