my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
