she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did you just send me my own nude
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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