the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize