just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
