Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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