Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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