I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
