we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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