What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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