Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
