Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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