Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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