he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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