If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
