put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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