woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
