How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
