Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
