dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
