She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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