yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
