My brain says no but my pants say off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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