my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
