cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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