I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
