there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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