Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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