well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
