My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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