I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
