Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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