i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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