I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
