my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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