haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
