He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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