I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
