Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
