We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
