so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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