but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
