My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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