Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
