You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
