So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
