I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
