Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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