mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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