mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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