If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
