Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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