i barfeds in our rink
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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