Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
