I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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