thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
