Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
