I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
