the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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