girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
