i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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