It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
