You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
