On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
